Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
