So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
