Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
