whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
