You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
