Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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