It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
