my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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