Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
