i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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