What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
