yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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