Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
