Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
