Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
