how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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