K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
