whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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