Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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