p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
