1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
