$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
