i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
