So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
