I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
