I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
