I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
