it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
