I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
