her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
