I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
