just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
