Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
