Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
