i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
