sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
