Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
