I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
