I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
