You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
