He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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