i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
