"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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