at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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