I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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