Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He passed out mid-signature
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
