Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
