How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
