I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
