First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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