"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
